A Few of My Favorite Things

Hay Field Sunset“The first supermarket supposedly appeared on the American landscape in 1946. That is not very long ago. Until then, where was all the food? Dear folks, the food was in homes, gardens, local fields, and forests. It was near kitchens, near tables, near bedsides. It was in the pantry, the cellar, the backyard.”
Joe Salatin 

Fence at Sunset“The soil is the great connector of lives, the source and destination of all. It is the healer and restorer and resurrector, by which disease passes into health, age into youth, death into life. Without proper care for it we can have no community, because without proper care for it we can have no life.” Wendell Berry

Horses #1“Horses make a landscape look beautiful.” Alice Walker

Playhouse Sunset

“May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.” Rainer Maria Rilke

Daughter

She’s supposed to work on her spelling tonight

I really should make her do that–

but we’re listening to O’ Holy Night

more than a month before Christmas.

I shouldn’t have wiped my eyes and turned away when she

lifted her voice and dramatically raised her hands to the kitchen ceiling

(not knowing that was the moment there would be no homework).

The boys have gone to their wrestling

and so we listen to Jewel;

her stuffed bears (too many to name)

are forming a circle around the kitchen table.

She whispers their words to each other

so that I cannot and do not want to hear.

She fidgets to intermingle their arms

let the phone ring

do not answer the door

we insufferably yell the lyrics and laugh,

yes–

her homework can wait.

Over the sound of the oven cooling,

and the music,

and the smells of dinner clinging to our clothes

we have found something in the kitchen

far more important.

School Bus Sestina

The school bus home found me somewhere in the middle
amidst the shuffling of shoes and sundry talk of in-between years.
There was comfort when we moved;
in the ripped vinyl seat, foam exposed;
in the hardened gum, wads of paper milled,
in the hum of wheels stirring the long highway north.
 
Like a fox facing north
not able to catch its prey turning circles in the middle,
I have had much time without direction, my own heart milled.
But yet I stand awake as an investor in those unadorned years
finding myself well-contented and exposed
only feeble without gates to breach a place where the cold air moves.
 
So too I hope, my beloved three will be moved
through an artery of their own, aiming north;
teenage secrets and falsehoods exposed–
not finding hope in the unyielding ground of middle,
but rather in the might that comes from many more upward years.
There they will stand like a mountain range, convinced and unmilled.
 
Oh to join them past the flaxen fields of alfalfa milled
the golden-sided microcosm of life still moving;
to sit next to three times my blood gazing across the years
only catching prey with the indication of north.
my eldest, my youngest, and my one in the middle;
the heat in their bellies surely rising with the shadows of prairie exposed.
 
And the cottony creek, the tress of transcendent clouds; exposed.
They will be tested and trodden–spirits hardened and milled.
They will spin and twist and contort and find themselves a part of the middle–
they will stand for nothing, too tired, too scared, too dizzy to move.
Yet still that yellowed envelope will creak and pull and circle north
delivering them home, year after year.
 
No matter how advanced my years
or weary my body–the excess of bad habits exposed,
my old, sightless eyes will still find the way North
towards youth and God; together milled,
happy with the knowledge that we will keep moving–
even the slow trees will rise away from the middle
 
as will the nest reveal its barren middle;
the airborne youth deciding which way to move.
Grateful like I, for the four wheels of life and the unfastened arms of a house unmilled.

November 1

A Poem About Dirt

All day I’ve watched the tractor from the center of my eyes.

She paces the field like a swimmer

and stays in her lane while taking much time to cross me again.

She sprays dirt into the waves of sun

gone too soon under the watery surface of dusk.

Her breathing stops with a decrescendo;

hitting the wall because no earth is moved after dark

(and so my connectivity to our greater world is paused).

I’ve never loved a farmer,

but I do love how his dirt spreads like sand,

deep brown and full-bodied in the grass.

I love his faith spelled in russet Braille

and that his boredom must be spurred by many things

save straight lines and loam–

not to mention the simple fact,

that he and his tractor are the only ones

who keep coming up for air.

Morning Run

“Autumn teaches us that fruition is also death; that ripeness is a form of decay. The willows, having stood for so long near water, begin to rust. Leaves are verbs that conjugate the seasons.” ― Gretel Ehrlich, The Solace of Open Spaces

“Autumn teaches us that fruition is also death; that ripeness is a form of decay. The willows, having stood for so long near water, begin to rust. Leaves are verbs that conjugate the seasons.”
― Gretel Ehrlich, The Solace of Open Spaces

“True solace is finding none, which is to say, it is everywhere.” ― Gretel Ehrlich, The Solace of Open Spaces

“True solace is finding none, which is to say, it is everywhere.”
― Gretel Ehrlich, The Solace of Open Spaces

October 20 5October 20 2

Hiking With My Mother In Grizzly Country

My mother stands by the front door of the house she and my father share in the heart of grizzly country.

North of her strong feet and enviable legs, a 30-06 Winchester rests comfortably over her shoulder. A fluorescent fanny pack sits high on her waist and from her gloved fingers, a canister of bear spray dangles insecurely beside her aforementioned adornments.

We however, are a tornado of wide-brimmed hats and handkerchiefs, of sun block and water and finding the right shoes. She will surely look us over when we muster from inside to embark on  a rare hike with one of the toughest, most kind-hearted women I know.

She had a grizzly bear come at her a few years ago. The way she tells it, he was big but she was ready. A few yards from her determining stare, the bear stopped, huffed and turned away. My mother never had to shoot, but anyone who knows her can pretty much count on the fact that her trigger finger was at the ready. Anyone who knows her, will also understand that she was happy not to be forced into taking his life that day. I have often thought that when my mother is ready to go, she will morph into Tristan from Legends of the Fall and find that bear one last time.

When we hike with my mother, I recall the barefoot Ecuadorian who led us over the serpentine rocks of the Galapagos Islands while on one of the most eye-opening journeys my parents took us during my teenage years. Walter was a sinewy, tanned athlete who moved like a lissome cat. I envied his lithe movements and territorial command from the soles of his feet. My mother in Grizzly Country, is much the same.

To our left, she points out a large depression in the ground where once she discovered a black bear burrowed for a nap. She steals up a heavily-wooded deer trail with her rifle at the ready because she knows the places they’ve shed their antlers in years’ past. My mother has called-in many a poacher, carried hundreds of pounds of meat during a winter’s storm; she’s nailed more than her share of No Trespassing signs and fixed many fences. She hefts the lids of cisterns like a woman unaware of 70. She drives her pickup like a Monster Truck Driver–it has a winch and a grill, and she uses them both.

But on this particular hike with three of her grandchildren and me, she has found her match, my mom. And it is no grizzly bear or poacher–no sheep hunt or political adversary. He is no wolf or any other predator of livestock, but he is my son. He has challenged her in hour-long duels of time outs, unblinkingly stared face-to face with her at bedtime and mealtime; he has set his brow to match the stubbornness of hers and put his foot down over her own fixed foot like I’ve seen no one else do. He is not yet three years old and refuses to be carried for any duration of our three-hour long excursion through the jarring terrain of some of the roughest and most wild country there is. Just like his grandmother, he is loving it.

So when he looks up from under the rim of his wide-brimmed hat–red-hot cheeks, lucidly blue irises, and into the eyes of my mother says, ” I follow you the whole way G-MA”…the toughest grandmother in Bear Country smiles as big as her face will allow, and knows so clearly through the sudden film of moisture over her own eyes, that her spirit is in no danger of extinction.

Living

The fire in leaf and grass
so green it seems
each summer the last summer.

The wind blowing, the leaves
shivering in the sun,
each day the last day.

A red salamander
so cold and so
easy to catch, dreamily

moves his delicate feet
and long tail. I hold
my hand open for him to go.

Each minute the last minute.

Denise Levertov
Summer 2013 4Smmer 2013 3Summer 2013 2

The Prairie

At night

I try and understand

the two coyote voices

back and forth

back and forth

through the boorish grass.

Sometime in the middle of it all

I must have fallen asleep

because I can feel the silken edges of her shirt sleeves

hang into the shared space above my chest

as she draws back the curtains slowly

letting the light soften the things that need allay.

She pulls me towards her grassy smell;

billowy waves of breath promising the delay of rain and feverish skies

for first the lift of dew on her Bluestem body

and yes

some time for me to embrace

her womanliness.

May 20

Where Does The Dance Begin, Where Does It End?

Don’t call this world adorable, or useful, that’s not it.

It’s frisky, and a theater for more than fair winds.
The eyelash of lightning is neither good nor evil.
The struck tree burns like a pillar of gold.
 
But the blue rain sinks, straight to the white
feet of the trees
whose mouths open.
Doesn’t the wind, turning in circles, invent the dance?
Haven’t the flowers moved, slowly, across Asia, then Europe,
until at last, now, they shine
in your own yard?
April 26 April 25
 
Don’t call this world an explanation, or even an education.
 
When the Sufi poet whirled, was he looking
outward, to the mountains so solidly there
in a white-capped ring, or was he looking
 
to the center of everything: the seed, the egg, the idea
that was also there,
beautiful as a thumb
curved and touching the finger, tenderly,
little love-ring,
 
as he whirled,
oh jug of breath,

in the garden of dust?

Mary Oliver